So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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