Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
