I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
