im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
