Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
