i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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