i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
