K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
