I smell stomach acid.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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