I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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