I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
