somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
