The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
