I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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