we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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