I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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