If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
