i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
