I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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