Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
