Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Little spoons don't ask big questions
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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