The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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