I think I just saw someone hide a body.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
