My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
