Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
