Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
