We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
