So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
