Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
