It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
