Where is the hickey?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize