turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
