The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
