Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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