She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
