where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
