I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
