is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
