I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
