Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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