You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
