do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
