Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
