Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
