this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
