OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I need to align my fucking chakras
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
