I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
