It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
