Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
