Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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