you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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