Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
