did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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