I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
