He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
