Only a mothe r could love this liver
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
