I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
