I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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