Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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