I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
