I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
