why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
