My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
