You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
