Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
