two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
