Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
