Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
