Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
