TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize