I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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