Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
