she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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