Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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