I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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