god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Randomize
