my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
