You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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