you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
