Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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