He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
