talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
