please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
