Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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