I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
