Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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