she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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