I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
