If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
