SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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