I'm going to jail i love you
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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