He uses pillows to masturbate.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
