census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
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