1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
