May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize