Barsexuality is the new black.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
